The strange thing about working in the Senior Living business is that eventually the conversations we hold with prospective residents and families, are the ones we start having with our own parents. You would think that being in the “business” the conversation with my aging parent would have been easy. I have worked in senior living for over 30 years, ask me anything about Independent Living, Assisted Living or Memory Care and I’ve got an answer. I am Sr. VP of Sales and Marketing at Capri Communities. I can answer any question, so why wouldn’t you trust my expertise? The answer, I now see, is frustratingly simple: because I am the child, and they are the parent.
The winding journey for my parent, my mother, began many years ago when my father passed away. As a fiercely independent woman, my mother took on widowhood with abandon. She did all the things that my father’s long illness prevented her from doing – she traveled, joined clubs, and was always on the go. My sisters and I got lucky. She started downsizing on her own and eventually sold her home, moving multiple times (5 times!). One of the most binding ties as we age is possessions, and each move gave my mother permission to let go of the stuff that wasn’t important in her new adventure ahead.
With many of the families that we work with, the thought of letting go of one’s home is the greatest obstacle in choosing to move. The memories, the possessions, the expense of preparing the home for sale – or maybe all three – create fear and anxiety. For my mother, it wasn’t the fear of losing her home. It was the fear of losing her mobility, her car.
The car became the topic of conversation between my four siblings and me after my mother’s first car accident (emphasis on first). By this time, Mom was living in a 55+ active adult community but with limited services. As time went by my mother started to self-limit her driving – no longer at night, no longer if it snowed or was raining too hard. She felt those were safe parameters and, for a while, they were. After the third accident (and only God knows how many near misses), we decided that it was time to come in and sit down around the kitchen table for a discussion. We went over Mom’s finances, her health, and her driving. She avoided the car topic, but she admitted she was struggling to get in the bathtub to shower. That gave us the opening we needed. We made an appointment to tour a senior living community, purpose-built for seniors that may or may not need care, but with built-in apartment safety features such as walk-in showers, grab bars, on-site dining options, transportation services, and a full-service life enrichment calendar. And yes, an underground parking garage. She bumped into a few of her friends who were happy that she was touring. She loved the senior community, and we signed the paperwork the next day.
Thankfully, Mom gave up her car soon after this move. Rather than spend her money on underground parking, she sold her car and is now using the saved dollars from insurance and gas on an extra storage unit and a la carte dining. She has gotten used to taking the community bus, grocery delivery, and calling on her family when she needs wheels. Her eyesight is slowly failing, so while at the time it was a difficult goodbye, she knows it was the right thing to do. That doesn’t stop her from mourning. She often gives us a long sigh and says how much she misses her car. She’s hinted to my sister (who lives 3,000 miles away) that she just might buy a new one.
Moving from the 55+ community into a senior living community with a continuum of assisted living and memory care services was a good transition for my mother. She is surrounded by friends, old and new and she’s enjoying life using every aspect of the community – the exercise space, the movie theater, the library, the puzzle room, the dining room, and the outdoor gardens. She watches out for her neighbors, and they watch out for her. The daily choices she makes: to dine in or dine out, to participate in activities or not, to socialize or read a nice book in her room – keep her even more independent than she imagined. At 86 years old, her wheels may be parked, but her life is in full motion.
As a daughter and senior living professional, I am proud of my mother’s success story. While my family and I helped her navigate the decision to relinquish her car and, if it were up to me, she would have done it a little sooner, the timing was right for her. At Capri Communities, we want to help you and your family navigate the journey, too. Our experiences are shared with our own loved ones and the stories of hundreds of other families we have helped. There isn’t a scenario of change, loss, or need that we haven’t faced. At Capri Communities, we want to know your story, and understand your timing so we can help you maximize your independence and live life to the fullest – whatever that means to you!
